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“In
explanation of pain”
I am not a fly with wings to be picked off for humors sake
without discretion.
Even if I were would your actions be more just...could you
not also be gentle?
Or is manhood limited to the cruel boyhood fantasies of power
over small things.
I’m not going to lie to you. It hurts when you try to punish
me. You may not be effective in the act of your punishment, but that you tried
to cut me off from others…that hurt. Your attempt though it failed causes me
anguish.
I thought the
world I sheltered around myself devoid of such motivation. I lied to myself and
tried to be gentle with you.
To let you
stay in my heart and be my friend in absence. Your actions couldn’t keep me safe
by your side.
‘Never again’
I could promise myself, but two words were never so often strung together as a
seeming defense only to end as an invitation to more suffering.
I loved you
and now I must live with myself.
by Moishe Chaim Ben-shir
- January 5, 2006
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